Chris opens the story with him being unable to remember the first four years of his life and declares them uneventful. Born to a School Teacher and a Loss Adjuster, Chris was going to be called Porrick but decided against it. Developing a fascination with Birds and Planes, he later met his "first love" - Football and would regularly pretend to be the Red Power Ranger by morphing unannounced and believing that he was a Ghostbuster claiming he "ran the playground under these two guises".
His one major upset at this time was missing the Cub Scout trip to Legoland due to a case of the Chickenpox and awaits the day that he can pass his "Legoland Driving Licence"(The First Chapter)
- Chris references his full name as Christopher Francis Alfred Jefferson Stark, though the two extra middle-names are fake "because the reader doesn't know that"